I just finished reading The Beast in the Clouds: The Roosevelt Brothers’ Deadly Quest to Find the Mythical Giant Panda, by Nathalia Holt. Holt spoke at Theodore Roosevelt Association’s annual meeting, giving an intriguing preview of the book before I jumped in.

As always, this post doesn’t have any spoilers. It’s just the stuff that jumped out at me or the tangents I explored because of this book… it’s not the even most important parts of the story. You need to read it yourself for that.

It’s happening again

Just like 100 years ago in the 1920s, the top .01% hold the same proportion of money.

I’m sure it will be fine. Everything worked out after the 1920s, right? 😅 It brought to mind a book I read earlier this year that unconvincingly said the second Gilded Age ended, like, in 2013 or 2014. To be fair, the book was published in 2015.

The Age of Acquiescence: The Life and Death of American Resistance to Organized Wealth and Power, by Steve Fraser

Political obliteration

While Assistant Secretary of the Navy, Ted Roosevelt Jr. (who was really Ted Roosevelt III, but who’s counting) was found innocent in the whole Teapot Dome Scandal. He was still “politically obliterated” according to his wife, Eleanor Roosevelt who was not that Eleanor Roosevelt.

That Eleanor Roosevelt (the one married to FDR) drove around with a giant steam-puffing teapot on top of her car, campaigning for Al Smith for New York Governor instead of her cousin Ted.

Roosevelt Sweeps Nation: FDR’s 1936 Landslide and the Triumph of the Liberal Ideal, by David Pietrusza

Is this an appropriate time to recycle my Roosevelt New York Gubernatorial Candidates spinny-thingy? Probably not, but that’s not going to stop me. Between 1898 and 1966, Theodore Roosevelt (who was actually a Jr., but dropped it), Franklin Roosevelt, Ted Roosevelt III (or Jr., if you prefer), and Franklin Roosevelt, Jr. all ran for New York governor.

Back to the trip! Both Kermit and Ted could shed their image and their problems while in China. In Holt’s words, “Ted was no longer the failed politician, accused by … merciless family members grasping for power.”

My first tangent: Opium Wars

What. The. Actual. Eff.

Insofar as I ever thought about the Opium Wars (which, honestly, I didn’t really), it was glossed over… like the words had no collective (or individual) meaning.

Basically, China tried to stop the UK from bringing opium in and UK was like “nope” and also “say hello to my armed forces” and I didn’t realize this and also why exactly am I surprised? China couldn’t stop the British, there was a 10x increase in opium imports, the UK got Hong Kong, and by 1906 25% of the population smoked opium.

Obviously, I need to learn more about this.

Not to exclusively blame the British here… I recently read that the Cabots (the ones from “good old Boston, home of the beans and the cod, where the Lowells talk only to Cabots and the Cabots talk only to God”) got rich importing rum. And opium. And also people.

The Loves of Theodore Roosevelt: The Women Who Created a President, by Edward F. O’Keefe

Franklin Roosevelt’s grandfather (Warren Delano, Jr.) imported opium, is a thing I believed to be true. But, upon further reflection, that language is both misleading and imprecise. Drug smuggler…? Drug smuggler first, but then importer of medicinal opium during the Civil War…? (Leading to our nation’s first opium crisis?!) Add this to the list of things I need to learn more about.

While reading about the Opium Wars, I kept thinking about Operation Ajax and BP Oil and All the Shah’s Men. Friends, when I went to find those doodles to see if it really was related do you know who I found?

Kermit Roosevelt, Jr.

I wasn’t even thinking about him! Also TBH — eek! This guy. I learned some things.

All the Shah’s Men: An American Coup and the Roots of Middle East Terror, by Stephen Kinzer

Hey, but at least Kermit Roosevelt, Jr. passed on Operation Success, which was just like Operation Ajax — but with bananas! (It’s more complicated than I’m going to get into here, but I highly recommend these books about both. And I also recommend not overthrowing governments — or boats — to get free stuff. But that’s just me.)

The Fish That Ate the Whale: The Life and Times of America's Banana King, by Rich Cohen

THIS IS NOT A POST ABOUT KERMIT ROOSEVELT, JR!

Or bananas. Or overstepping boundaries. [Ok. Refocus.]

A brown bear can snap a bowling ball in half with one bite

Their diet is 90% vegetarian.

Because of Theodore Roosevelt, black bears were seen as adorable when they are quite dangerous. (I’m sure you know that whole story.)

Which got me thinking about piranhas, which (because of Theodore Roosevelt) we think are dangerous but are quite adorable. Maybe not adorable. But also not deadly. Generally. For humans. Who are alive. It’s kind of bonkers and worth reading about.

To top it off, it’s because of Theodore Roosevelt that I misspelled “ferocious” in the doodle above.*

*It’s not his fault, but I was over here blaming things on him and thought you might not notice if I snuck that one in.

The River of Doubt: Theodore Roosevelt’s Darkest Journey, by Candice Millard (don’t tell anyone, but that blood splotch is camouflaging a typo)

China: inoculating since 200 B.C.

Edward Jenner was known as the Father of Immunology, even though they’d been inoculating against smallpox in China since 200 B.C.

Flashback to the Amazon

Kermit’s mother Edith sent him to South America with his dad to keep him safe.

The Loves of Theodore Roosevelt: The Women Who Created a President, by Edward F. O’Keefe

While there, Theodore said “I have already lived and enjoyed as much of life as any nine men I know; I have had my full share, and if it is necessary for me to leave my bones in South America, then I am quite ready to do so.” In fact, he brought a bottle of morphine with him, as it was his “practice on such trips. Because one never knows what is going to happen.” He planned to use it; he was so ill and weak he instructed them to leave him behind. They didn’t listen.

The River of Doubt: Theodore Roosevelt’s Darkest Journey, by Candice Millard

Harold Coolidge, Jr.

Harold (Jefferson) Coolidge, Jr. was mentioned in this book, leading me to wonder if he was related to Thomas Jefferson Coolidge, who served on the board of United Fruit. I didn’t find a definitive answer, but enough for me to shrug “probably” and move on to collecting more doodles to share.

The Fish That Ate the Whale: The Life and Times of America's Banana King, by Rich Cohen

Since I brought up United Fruit, I need to point out that this book includes a reference to “estimating the height of banana trees” and bananas don’t grow on trees. I’m pointing this out not to be an asshole or a pedant but because I’m delighted to share a thing that I both learned and remembered this year from a book I can’t shut up about.

Banana plants are giant herbs. And bananas are berries. The plant can grow up to 30’ tall. Squirrel that away in your memory in case you ever need it. Also, nobody slips on banana peels anymore because that type of greasy-peeled banana (Big Mike) is extinct. I proudly trotted that fact out with my friend Michelle last week.

I think I get it

Before reading this book, I didn’t understood the whole “hey this animal is going to be extinct soon so I need to go kill one now before it’s too late” instinct. I kind of get it now. And it was a different time — before color photography and whatnot. The conservation aspect of this story is eye-opening.

The Rise of Theodore Roosevelt, by Edmund Morris

Oh deer

When I reached the end of my doodling, I noticed a book dart sitting on my desk. Suspicious and all alone.

It fell out of the book, but I couldn’t remember what it marked… until I went to add an old doodle of Cervus Roosevelti, a mountain elk named for President Roosevelt.

Dang it.

Ted and Kermit Roosevelt had a deer named after them and that’s what I meant to doodle.

No going back now, so you’ll just have to trust me without any evidence in my sketchbook. The father and sons had deer named after them. Which made me wonder… are elk deer?

Yes. “All elk are deer, but not all deer are elk,” according to Field & Stream. One of the differences between elk and deer is vocalization. I’d like to point out that when frightened, apparently elk bark. Deer are “almost mute by comparison,” according to this article, but guess what?! The deer named after the Roosevelt boys was a type of barking deer! (Gasp! Mantiacus rooseveltorum.)

The Rise of Theodore Roosevelt, by Edmund Morris

I swear I doodled this before

But I can’t find it. The closest I came was referencing the quote in this unhinged post.

Nevertheless, Ted lost his post as governor-general in the Philippines when FDR (his “fifth cousin about to be removed”) was elected.

Where’s the bear?

More like why’s the bear — and the answer is “to hide a typo”. (I accidentally lettered “I search” before realizing I botched the quote.)

In any case, Ted and Kermit loved playing “Where’s the Bear” with their dad, who would hide and then growl wildly and mercilessly tickle the boys once they found him.

Books!!

On their trip through China, other people carried most of Ted and Kermit’s stuff. But their books? They carried their own. You never know when you’ll have a few minutes to read.

Their father believed “the lack of power to take joy in outdoor nature is as real a misfortune as the lack of power to take joy in books.”

Ted, Jr. said “I would feel as desolate without a book in my pocket as if I had lost my trousers.”

Amen.

He became an executive at Doubleday, Doran, eventually publishing a book by Madame Chiang (Soong Mei-Ling) who restarted panda diplomacy in 1941 and gave two cubs to the Bronx Zoo.

She also lived to either 105 or maybe 106 so I got to add her to my list of centenarians.

And to end on a giant bummer…

Kermit was distraught that he was kicked out of the British Army during World War II (he was drinking a lot and in very poor health). He appealed to British Prime Minister Winston Churchill, who reached out to his secretary of state of war stressing that Kermit should not be “treated as an ordinary case, and if he wishes to go on with us he should be allowed to do so.”

No dice.

Neither Kermit’s health nor his drinking improved, but when the United States entered the war he reached out to President Roosevelt to pull some strings. He was given a commission in Alaska. Nearly three decades after saving his father from taking morphine in the jungle, Kermit sadly died by suicide in Alaska.